By DeVante Marselis
We are almost at the end of April, and for many of us, that means it is finally time to mourn the deaths of our New Year’s resolutions. We gave it our all, created strict diet plans and workout schedules, and made sure not to stock our cabinets with our favorite snacks, but one trip through the bread aisle, one fast-food commercial of juicy burgers glistening with their greasy goodness, or a couple of stressful days at the office sent us running into the sweet embrace of our favorite vices.
It’s a vicious cycle, with each failed attempt at self-improvement eating away at our confidence, and esteem. Each time we tell ourselves that “next time I will do better”, and that “next time, I will stand tall in the face of temptation”, but few of us find a consistent strategy to win the daily battle between our ideal selves and the person we see in the mirror each day.
Some say that accountability partners are the secret to success, while others believe a solid reward system will help us say no to that maple cream-filled donut in the morning if there’s a chocolate shake waiting on the other side of our cycling class in the evening
Ultimately, we believe that no diet, exercise routine, or game plan can succeed if we don’t have the willpower to develop and adhere to a set of unshakeable core values in our lives.
So what is willpower?
Is it a god-like superpower bestowed upon a chosen few that lets them soar above mountains of temptation and valleys of despair like an eagle through the sierras? Probably not. In fact, good ol’ Merriam Webster defines willpower simply as “the ability to control one's own actions, emotions, or urges”, or a “strong determination that allows one to do something difficult.”
The American Psychological Association offers a few more specific definitions, including:
The conscious, effortful regulation of the self by the self
The ability to delay gratification, resisting short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals
A limited resource capable of being depleted (I will elaborate on later)
So how can something so easily defined be so difficult to accomplish? There are two ways to answer that question. Many theorists, philosophers, and religions believe it is human nature to seek the immediate gratification of instinctual needs like hunger, thirst, and reproduction, and that the effort to deny these urges is a key element of the human experience. Unfortunately, the ease of satisfying our primal needs has only increased with each technological innovation. Why endure the dangers of the wild hunting for food when you have an endless supply of calorically rich cheeseburgers right around the corner?
If internal pressures were not enough, there's also the overwhelming influence of life's daily stressors - the sales quotas or deadlines at work, managing the education and protection of our children, the economic uncertainty and political turmoil that dominates headlines and social discourse - all of these factors degrade our ability to reject the short-term relief that unhealthy habits and coping mechanism can provide.
Some may ask, if self-control is so contrary to our natural selves, and is made more difficult to obtain by the luxuries of modern life, what hope do we have in practicing self-control in our daily lives? Moreover, what purpose is there in chasing after self-control in the first place?
We do not pretend to have all the answers, but we are not in the camp of Oscar Wilde, who famously quoted “The only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it.” We firmly believe in the power of overcoming our reflexive human urges, and that practicing moderation is an essential component of a long and fulfilling life. For those who feel the same way, we offer up 3 crucial steps to take as you strengthen your willpower and exercise more control over your daily life.
1. Develop a set of values or morals that will dictate every decision in your life.
Whether these values are obtained through spiritual practice, a lifelong philosophical journey, formal education, or some combination of all three, it is important to have guiding principles that you can fall back on during trying times or when important decisions must be made. Without them, you are a lone voyager aboard a ship with no compass.
2. Understand that the power of NO can also be applied to the people in your life.
Self-control and saying NO is often applied to interactions with things and activities, like binge eating, drug abuse, and so on. It’s important to remember that other people often present opportunities to build or undermine your willpower and that not all of them are inherently ill-intentioned. Your boss may ask you to take on a few more projects, or a close friend may encourage you to skip a class or meeting for some much-needed R&R. It is important to set up boundaries in your relationships to avoid compromising situations that impede your ability to maintain healthy habits.
3. Self-control is not an unlimited resource.
Countless studies have shown that willpower is a resource that can be depleted as we come in contact with temptations in our daily lives. Ironically, while beating temptation consistently creates long-term resistances, each short-term victory we have over that delicious slice of cheesecake reduces the likelihood that we will say no to a Netflix binge session later that day, as our bodies will crave an alternative source of satisfaction to fill the void of that missing piece of cheesecake.
To counteract this, researchers suggest the use of alternatives or the practice of moderation. For example, instead of completely removing sugar from your diet, choose frozen yogurt instead of ice cream for your sweet treat, or find a hobby that brings you outdoors like biking instead of relying solely on your favorite shows or video games for relaxation.
No one said it would be easy, but we know that it will be worth it. Stay encouraged, and stay focused on living the best version of the life you envision for yourself!